6
The only reason why God created man is because he was disappointed with the monkey.Autobiographical Dictation (1906)

7
Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.The Lowest Animal

8
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894)

9
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.Following the Equator (1897)

10
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his INTELLECTUAL
superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can DO wrong
proves his MORAL inferiority to any creature that CANNOT.What Is Man? (1906)

11
Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection – that is the last and
final and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by
character or achievement.Mark Twain's Essays, Letters, and Speeches

12
One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare.Innocents Abroad

13
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.Pudd'nhead Wilson

14
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.Following the Equator (1897)

15
“Classic.” A book which people praise and don’t read.Following the Equator (1897)

16
A successful book is not made of what is in it, but of what is left out of it.Mark Twain's Correspondence with Henry Huttleston Rogers, 1893-1909

17
To believe yourself brave is to be brave; it is the one only essential thing.Joan of Arc

18
There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.Following the Equator (1897)

19
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.Following the Equator (1897)

20
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.Pudd'nhead Wilson

21
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.Mark Twain's Notebook

22
Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.Mark Twain's Notebook

23
The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the
average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.Mark Twain's Notebook

24
Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927

25
Modesty died when clothes were born.Paine's Biography of Mark Twain, Volume III, p. 1513.

26
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.Mark Twain's Notebook (1935)

27
Only one thing is impossible for God: to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.Mark Twain's Notebook, 1902-1903

28
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.Following the Equator

29
We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.More Maxims of Mark, Johnson

30
Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.Mark Twain's Notebook

31
Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927

32
A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and
becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all
other forms of law.Following the Equator

33
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt
of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He
brought death into the world.Pudd'nhead Wilson

34
Pity is for the living, envy is for the deadFollowing the Equator

35
A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.Following the Equator

36
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. Mark Twain's Notebook, 1898

37
If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.Mark Twain's Autobiography

38
Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.Following the Equator

39
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.Following the Equator

40
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.Pudd'nhead Wilson

41
A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.Mark Twain's Notebook

42
How empty is theory in the presence of fact!A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

43
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.Rudyard Kipling, An Interview with Mark Twain, p. 180, From sea to sea: letters of travel, 1899

44
Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.Following the Equator

45
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.Mark Twain's Notebook

46
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.Following the Equator

47
Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it.More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927

48
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.Following the Equator

49
The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927

50
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.Mark Twain's Notebook

51
Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it.Mark Twain's Letters, 1917 ed.

52
It is a free press…There are laws to protect the freedom of the press’s
speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the
press.License of the Press speech

53
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and
enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not
asked to lend money.Pudd'nhead Wilson

54
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.Mark Twain's Autobiography

55
Hunger is the handmaid of genius.Following the Equator

56
The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it…Mark Twain's Notebook

57
None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.Mark Twain's Notebook

58
To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.Following the Equator

59
Be good and you will be lonesome.Following the Equator

60
There’s a good spot tucked away somewhere in everybody. You’ll be a long time finding it, sometimes.Refuge of the Derelicts

61
To some people it is fatal to be recognized by greatness.The Approaching Epidemic

62
Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.Pudd'nhead Wilson

63
Happiness ain’t a thing in itself – it’s only a contrast with something that ain’t pleasant.The mysterious stranger

64
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.The mysterious stranger

65
No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a
fearful thing it is. Only the mad can be happy, and not many of those.The mysterious stranger

66
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happinesses to the unhappy.Following the Equator

67
Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.Letter to Will Bowen, 11/4/1888

68
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d druther not.Following the Equator

69
Civilizations proceed from the heart rather than from the head.Letter to Alvert Sonnichsen, 18 March 1901

70
You can’t reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

71
The heart is the real fountain of youth.Mark Twain's Notebook

72
One learns peoples through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect.What Paul Bourget Thinks of Us

73
We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting
to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself there
would be no heroes.Mark Twain's Autobiography

74
Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.Business speech, 3/30/1901

75
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.The Chronicle of Young Satan

76
Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.Mark Twain, a Biography

77
Hunger is pride’s master.The Prince and the Pauper

78
The man with a new idea is a Crank until the idea succeeds.Following the Equator

79
Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.Following the Equator

80
We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.Following the Equator

81
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accidents.Mark Twain's Notebook

82
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.Mark Twain's Notebook

83
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear and life stands explained.Mark Twain's Notebook

84
The lottery is a government institution & the poor its best patrons.Mark Twain's Notebook

85
Love is a madness; if thwarted it develops fast.The Memorable Assassination

86
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.Mark Twain's Notebook

87
Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.Mark Twain's Notebook

88
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.Roughing It

89
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927

90
All good things arrive unto them that wait – and don’t die in the meantime.Letter to Orion and Jane Clemens, 4/3/1889

91
To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.Adventures of Tom Sawyer

92
Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.Note to the Young People's Society, Greenpoint Presbyterian Church, 1901

93
It is good to obey all the rules when you’re young, so you’ll have the strength to break them when you’re old.Advance Magazine, 2/1940 by Dorothy Quick

94
The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it.Mark Twain's Notebook

95
Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.Life on the Mississippi

96
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.Following the Equator

97
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then Success is sure.Mark Twain's Notebook

98
There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it.Mark Twain's Notebook

99
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.Mark Twain's Notebook

100
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.Christian Science (1907).